Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
It isn't really about me
Have you ever had one of
those moments of clarity when you realize that something you once thought to be
an absolute truth all of the sudden comes into question? Have you have had one
of those moments of clarity where a reality that has guided your every step,
decision, feeling, and reaction suddenly crumbles and leaves you standing dazed
and confused? I have had that happen in various and sundry ways over the past
few years...and I am sure that it will be a normal occurrence in my
life for years to come.
In particular I have had
that thought regarding the reality that isn't about me. I was convinced that it
was. I was convinced that my life was about me and my story. I am pretty sure
this goes way back to when I was a kid. If you are honest you would admit the
same thing? As children we somehow gained the understanding that life was all
about "me" and nothing was going to change that.
I have a two year old
and he fully understands this reality right now. he has a younger brother and
it is pretty clear that the older has the "me" and "my"
part of life down. This isn't something that we had to teach him, he just
picked up on it. Some would call this the sin nature, others would call it the
survival of the fittest, and others still would call it the battle of the ego.
I am not sure what it is or where it comes from but that it is there and it
loves rearing its ugly head at just the right moments. It is that voice in our
heads that wants us to do everything we can to survive and make sure that
preserve our words, our stature, our lives. It is that voice that never shuts
off but talks to us in our waking and in our sleeping moments. It is that voice
that strives to segment life into a variety of dualities, such as right
and wrong, good and bad, and should and shouldn't.
You hear it now. you
hear your voice telling you to stop reading this book and go do something else
that is much more important. You may have been so focused on the
voice that you aren't even sure what voice that I am talking about and
as you read these words right now you feel as though a conversation in your
mind has been interrupted by the words on this page. The voice is
there talking, always talking. Try to stop it...you can't.
In fact let's take a moment and name that voice. Let's call it for what it is. It is another part of your life that has been there with you and for you when many others have left or walked away. Let's get to know it. Let's take time to understand it. Let's spend a few minutes talking back to it and get to know it. In order to do that, we will need to name it and make it more personal. You can call yours whatever you would like. Go ahead. Choose a name. Got it? Good.
So I would like to
introduce you to Bob. Yes that is what I am naming mine. Ladies and gentlemen I
would like to introduce you to the voice inside my head, his name is Bob and he
has been with me for years! Bob has been with me in the good times and the
bad. Bob has helped make sense of life when life didn’t seem to make sense in
and of itself. Bob helped me make a mess of life when it seemed that life
couldn’t get any messier. Bob has been there.
As I sit and type this
now, Bob is in the background chattering away; informing me that nobody really
wants to read this book, reminding me that I have tried to type this book
before but that I couldn’t follow through, and well just chattering. Always
talking and not really saying anything of value. I can hear him but I choose
not to listen to him all that much. That is something I have learned recently. I
can choose to ignore Bob. I have the freedom and the power to do that. So do
you. You know that right? But we will get there in a little bit; I don’t want
to jump ahead of myself.
One message that Bob has
made very clear throughout my life is that life is all about me. He let’s me
know when I should take control of certain situations. He let’s me know when I should
act in a way that preserves my health and well-being. Bob speaks up regularly
to let me know when I am not getting me and empowers me to take what is
rightfully mine, when those around me don’t understand that they are treading
on thin ice and start to creep onto my turf. When others try to build
themselves up and take the spotlight, Bob is there like warm blanket to remind
me that I have rights and that I deserve take what is rightfully mine.
Bob has spent countless
hours talking to me about the events of my life and has given me the true
perspective of what really happened in the various situations of life. He has
added the flavor to the events of my life. Many times when we are alone and
looking at the photo album of life, Bob is there like a faithful narrator
reminding me to consider the “rest of the story”. He is great story teller and
for that I am thankful. He keeps me entertained for sure.
Have you had the same
experience? Does your voice remind you of the details of the events of your
life? Does your voice encourage your preservation and remind you take go after
that which you deserve? Is your voice running in the background constantly,
providing background noise and a chatter that comforts you and provides you
with a sense of security and stability? Let’s face it; with the voice always present
we are never really alone.
Notice how our friend is
always there but not really adding value. Notice how often our friend goes
against the grain of our heart and speaks a language that seems to be from a
distant and far off land, yet close and intimate at the same time. Notice how
often we follow the advice of our friend without even checking the validity or
authority or intent first. How often has your friend gotten you in trouble? How
often has he talked you into doing something that seemed logical and “right”
but in the end created chaos for you and those in your sphere of influence?
Have you ever stopped to
really understand this voice and from where it is coming? Have you even noticed
that as we have been talking about our friend as though he had a personality
that you began to make the distinction between you and the voice? Have you
noticed that as we have looked back over some of the conversations that you
have had with your voice, that you haven’t always like the outcome of many of
those events?
I am going to let you in
on a little secret, that voice isn’t you. You are you and that voice is an
intruder that has convinced you that she is you and that she speaks on your
behalf. In fact every thought that you have had around the subject of “me”
really comes from her and doesn’t reflect who or what you are all about.
Consider that for a moment. Consider that “me” isn’t referring to you but to
the voice and that her priority in life is to secure her future. She is like a
parasite that has entrenched into your heart and mind over the years and will
do anything she has to in order to survive, anything including ruining your
life with “me” thinking. She can’t help herself. It’s her nature.
When I came to the realization
that Bob wasn’t me but a voice that lives within me, I became very aware of
that reality that life isn’t all about me. In fact my life really isn’t about
me at all. I am not here for me. I am not here for my happiness. I am not here
for my preservation but for the preservation of humanity. I am here to add
value to others. I am here to serve others. I am here to ensure that others
have life and I am here to lay mine down if that is what is needed so that
another may experience what it really means to be alive.
This realization was so
freeing for me. I have spent much of my life listening to Bob tell me that my
life was all about me and my happiness. I have spent much of my life jumping
from one thrill seeking moment to the next in an attempt to find myself and
save myself all at the same time. I have spent much of my life thinking only of
me and how I can maintain my homeostatic environment in order to preserve my
earthly well-being. How crazy!
Bob really had me going
there and for years I listened but now I understand that I don’t need to listen
to Bob any more. He is still there. He will always be there. In fact there may
be times that I will need him to speak into my life but for the most part I
need to understand that he isn’t me and that while I will hear him on a regular
basis…I don’t have to listen to him. And that is a comforting realization, the
realization that I am more than a voice inside my head convincing me that the
world revolves around me.
The death of “me” starts
with the understanding that it isn’t really about “me”. Stop for a moment just
to consider this reality. Are we not greater than the voice in our minds that
speaks a language that is inconsistent with the deepest longings and recesses
of our hearts? I believe that we are and
I believe that when we begin to ignore the voice within, we will begin the
journey that leads to the death of “me”.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
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